


against the grain of dystopic claims

by cyndaquils



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto) Feels, Drabble Collection, Gen, Team as Family, canon atypical swearing, kakashi pays more attention to naruto and sasuke as canon dictates but also that's BULLSHIT, no beta we die like men, the author took some liberties
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26151979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyndaquils/pseuds/cyndaquils
Summary: “So, Kakashi, you will be leading Team Seven,” Hiruzen announces.The room is silent.“Politely, Lord Hokage,” Kakashi says, pained. “What the fuck.”or, Kakashi is put in charge of a genin squad against his will. Those little fuckers grow on him like barnacles on a ship hull.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 12
Kudos: 151





	1. part i

**Author's Note:**

> hmmmm hello, i have not written fic in like four years, and i have not written naruto fic in.... probably six lmao. i started rewatching naruto this quarantine and here we are. this is purely self-indulgent but should more or less follow canon with perhaps a little bit of embellishing.
> 
> title is from a real hero by college feat. electric youth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lord third said, "i think i will cause problems on purpose"

It’s not that Kakashi _doesn’t_ want to be a jounin sensei, it’s that—

—alright, who the fuck is he kidding, Kakashi doesn’t want to be a goddamn jounin sensei, thank you very much. Which is why the genin squad assignments go like this:

Lord Third, in his infinite wisdom, puts the Nine-Tail's jinchuuriki (who is also Minato-senesi's _son_ ) on the same team as the Uchiha brat _and_ some civilian girl who is almost as bright-eyed as Rin.

“So, Kakashi, you will be leading Team Seven,” Hiruzen announces.

The room is silent.

“Politely, Lord Hokage,” Kakashi says, pained. “What the fuck.”

“ _Kakashi_ ,” Kurenai hisses under her breath, jabbing him in the stomach.

Hiruzen hums, and a smile unfurls. Kakashi, for all his experience as a shinobi, feels a fleeting pang of fear.

“Well, Kakashi,” Lord Third says kindly but also terrifyingly, “you can always fail them, but your duties require you to at least be assigned to a team. Though I do think this bunch will be _interesting_ , to say the least.”

 _Ah, yes_ , Kakashi thinks. _My own sensei’s son and the last of the Uchiha._ Interesting _, he says. Gods above._

“Well, if I have to,” he says instead. “I won’t go easy on them.”

“I’d be shocked if you do,” Hiruzen agrees easily. “Now, then, Team Eight…”

Kakashi is, in a word, fucked.


	2. part ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kakashi meets team 7, things go as expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is... introspective on kakashi's part, and ideally this will get a little more humorous and ~power of friendship~ -y, but who knows! the world is full of the unknown!

First of all: Kakashi Hatake will die before he admits seeing Naruto’s face, which looks exactly like Minato-sensei’s, sends his heart plummeting to the bottom of his stomach while simultaneously filling his cold, dead heart with pride. Second: one day, Sasuke will be the spitting image of his father, and the last time Kakashi had to interact with Fugaku had been unpleasant, to say the very least, considering it was over whether or not the Uchiha should rip Obito’s eye straight out of his skull. Third: apart from the obvious mooning over Sasuke, Sakura has the same kind eyes Rin had, the same overall demeanor, and sometimes it’s hard to look at her without seeing his hand through Rin’s chest. So, he’s doing fine. Perfect, even.

Really.

“How can I say this?” he says after the eraser falls on his head. “My first impression is… you’re all a bunch of idiots.” 

This clearly does not sit well with the three of them, but really, if they can’t get along now, they won’t last long as a team.

“Well, to the roof, you three, come along now.”

They follow him up to the top of the Academy, clearly confused about what is going to happen next before settling down in front of him as he leans against the railing. Introductions are a pain, because they always are, but they certainly are a… spirited bunch.

But he also sits there, looking at his new genin squad (so long as they pass, and no one ever has, so, take _that_ Lord Hokage), and remembers that while his entire personality is not to be respected or to get revenge or to be in love, these days besides training and missions and whatever it is Guy has going on, he doesn’t do much besides sit at the memorial stone because everyone who matters is goddamn _dead_. And sure, maybe Asuma and Kurenai and Guy drag him out for dango or tea or ramen or whatever it is they feel like doing when they think he’s been in his head a little too much, but it’s not the same.

So really, he gets it. Kind of. He sees pieces of himself and his teammates in these genin, just a little. Which of course had to have been Lord Third’s doing, because at the end of the day he was just as meddlesome as the rest of them. That doesn’t change the 66% failure rate of their next challenge, but maybe, just maybe—

“Okay,” he says cheerfully. “Then tomorrow we start our duties as shinobi.”

It’s actually kind of funny, the way they react next.


	3. part iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> team 7 starts complaining about their d-rank missions, kakashi tries his best to take it in stride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gearing up for the land of waves arc yeehaw!!! also, the idea that everyone in the village has had to catch tora at one point or another is hilarious. i simply must laugh.

“This fucking sucks,” Naruto complains.

“Watch your language, Naruto,” Sakura admonishes.

He’s got a point, Sasuke’s face says.

I did not leave ANBU for this shit, Kakashi thinks. 

No one openly agrees with Naruto, but no one ever really signs up for D-rank missions, except for maybe Guy and his team but that’s just because it’s “character building” and they “shouldn’t waste their youth” and whatever else it is Guy tries to hype his team up with. These three brats, Kakashi thinks, would probably murder him in his sleep if he tried that. 

“Fuck this mission, and fuck this fence,” Naruto grumbles.

“ _Naruto,_ ” hisses Sakura, hitting him over the head.

“We’ll be here even longer if you don’t stop complaining,” Kakashi says blandly. Inside, he cackles as Naruto realizes everyone else is done. 

“Shadow Clone Jutsu!” Naruto says, frantic, and summons a truly ungodly amount of clones.

“That seems like overkill, Naruto,” he sighs as he watches twenty-one Narutos wildly paint the fence.

“Don’t bother, he’s too dumb to listen,” Sasuke says rudely.

“Yeah, Sasuke’s right,” Sakura agrees, but she looks like she can’t help but to also agree with Naruto’s feelings towards manual labor around the Village. Kakashi remembers when he was first made genin, but back then D-ranks were few and far between because war was brewing, and no one had time for that. It’s better this way. A single dead genin is one too many. 

Naruto manages to finish the fence without breaking anything and giving them even more work for once, and they all get to go home before dinner.

The next day, Lord Third says, “Today, you’ll be searching for a cat named Tora,” and Kakashi suddenly thinks that maybe this is his punishment for being such a little shit all those years ago.


	4. part iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone in the history of konoha: "fuck this cat"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a right of passage to have to capture tora do not @ me

“Fuck this cat,” Naruto hisses.

“Fuck this cat,” Sakura agrees.

“I hate to admit it, but they’re both right,” Sasuke growls.

“It’s not that bad,” Kakashi lies.

It’s been four hours and all they really have to show for it is a number of scratches from failed attempts to get this hellspawn under control. If this goes on much longer, Kakashi is not above mercy killing this mission. Building teamwork is important, but his sanity—and the sanity of his three students—has to take precedence at some point. And anyway, if Sasuke is agreeing with Naruto and Sakura, that’s a step in the right direction.

Then Naruto decides to mouth off to Lord Third.

“Naruto!” Iruka scream-shouts in the way only an Academy teacher can master before Lord Third goes off on an explanation about the importance of D-rank missions. 

“So, last night I had pork ramen, but I’m thinking tonight miso might be good,” Naruto is telling Sasuke and Sakura, and Kakashi knows he’s going to get an earful later.

“Pay attention!” Lord Third snaps.

“I apologize,” starts Kakashi.

“Geez… all you do is lecture me… well, I’m not a troublemaking little kid anymore!” Naruto whines before promptly turning his back on their Hokage.

_ Dealing with Itachi Uchiha and Tenzo was easier than dealing with these three, _ Kakashi thinks.  _ And one of them went on to murder his entire clan. _

“Okay,” Hiruzen says to everyone’s surprise, “if you want it that much, I’ll give you a C-rank mission.”

Weeks later, Kakashi will think: Lord Third’s favoritism is going to get them all killed one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: the gang gets attacked, and kakashi makes a choice he will only kind of regret later down the line


	5. part v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kakashi does not proceed with caution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is clunky but it's fine, it's whatever, this is already so self-indulgent lol. ideally i'll dedicate a wee bit of time to the land of waves then do some fun non-canon missions where we get to see the other teams then on to the chunin exams.

Kakashi worried when Naruto froze up, but something in him swelled with pride when Sasuke went to protect Sakura and Tazuna. He won’t admit it, but maybe trusting them was a mistake. Or, maybe it’s really Lord Third’s fault because who the hell sends genin fresh out of the academy on a C-rank mission (though it’s nice to stretch his legs like this)?

But there are other things to focus on, because Naruto is busy gouging his own hand and making a grandiose speech when Kakashi realizes just how much bullshitting he’s going to have to do to ignore the whole “you’re the jinchuriki of the Nine-Tails that destroyed the village twelve years ago” thing (which, really—Kushina’s gonna tear him a new one once he finally reaches the Pure Lands).

“Uh, Naruto, that’s a cool speech and all, but if you keep losing blood, you’re gonna die,” he says before he sees that the Nine-Tails is sealing the wound at a rate faster than any medical ninjutsu could. It’s impressive but even with the Nine-Tails’ power, Naruto should probably see a medic and also, there’s no reason to have a bunch of genin who struggle to do normal things like paint fences and babysit to be protection detail for what should really be an A-rank mission.

Tazuna interrupts Naruto by saying, “I am being targeted by a man named Gato,” and proceeds to guilt trip the shit out of Kakashi.

And then, because he is both reckless and a fool, Kakashi says, “Well, that settles it. I suppose we’ll be completing this mission after all, Tazuna.”

He can’t help thinking the Land of Waves is beautiful, and he almost relaxes, until Zabuza  _ fucking  _ Momochi sends his sword through the air towards his students’ heads.


	6. part vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kakashi perhaps shows a bit too much of his hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't particularly love this one but! sometimes it be like that i don't want this to be exclusively a rehash of what we see in the manga lol.

Kakashi knows he’s been put in charge of these genin because he’s the only Sharingan user who’s still in Konoha, which is useful for both Sasuke and Naruto, and because Lord Third is a goddamn sadist (that’s the only other thing he can come up with, anyway, what the  _ hell _ does he have to teach to children?). He also knows that to all his colleagues—that is, all the jonin and any chunin who isn’t green as grass—he is Kakashi of the Sharingan, Sasuke is much too young to know. Sasuke, in his current state, probably couldn’t  _ handle _ knowing, but that’s out of his hands now.

He hadn’t planned on letting Sasuke know about his reputation so soon.

Then again, he hadn't planned on fighting for their lives when he got out of bed this morning.

“Well, if it isn’t Kakashi of the Sharingan,” Zabuza sneers. “The old man is mine.”

“Protect Tazuna,” Kakashi says carefully, “and do not enter the fight.”

“What the hell’s the Sharingan?” Naruto asks nobody in particular.

“When I was still in Kiri,” Zabuza says slowly, “you were in our Bingo Book. The man who copied over one thousand jutsu. Kakashi of the Sharingan. But enough talking. I’m here to kill the bridge builder.”

Then the mist comes.

It’s so thick that without Obito’s eye, Kakashi is certain they’d be well and truly fucked. It’s one thing for two jonin to fight in zero visibility, but it is an entirely different thing to fight another jonin while protecting three genin and a civilian. It’s something else entirely when the enemy is in your goddamn Bingo Book.

Behind him, Sasuke is shaking.

“Sasuke, calm down,” he says. “I won’t allow my comrades to die. I will protect you guys with my life. Trust me.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks of Obito and Rin and Minato-sensei, and normally it would make his heart hurt but right now he has a fight to win and people to protect. 

So yes. Color him surprised when Zabuza traps him in a water prison and Naruto and Sasuke pull an attack off on the fly. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust them it’s—

well, alright, who’s he kidding? Mixing oil and water is easier than getting them to work effectively with each other, so his heart swells with so much pride Kakashi feels like he’s going to burst. But the threat that is Zabuza Momochi has his body moving of its own volition. 

“Can you see the future?”

“Yeah,” Kakashi says, even though it’s really only a half-truth at best. The next part, though, he means: “You’re going to die.”

And then, the next thing he knows, two perfect senbon are shoved into Zabuza’s neck.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for dropping by!


End file.
